2009 vma’s will likely be a mixed bag

3 09 2009

On Sept. 13th,  MTV will once again offer up the Video Music Awards for your viewing pleasure.  Because even though MTV no longer actually airs videos or really anything that has to do with music anymore, the network  is still compelled  to spew into our vacuous little brains all that is hip, hot, and posh.

Remember when the VMA’s were an Event in our young lives?  The show had the funniest hosts, the coolest performances, and wave after wave of surprising hijinks? Here’s a refresher course:

Guns N Roses & Elton John perform “November Rain” circa 1992

A wasted Courtney Love throws stuff at Madonna

And who can forget the 2002 promo when Jimmy Fallon made Natalie Portman date him for a week?

So what can 2009’s VMA’s possibly offer?  Well, some good things and some not so good things.

BAD: Russell Brand is hosting.  Again.  As a drinking game, you should throw back a shot every time he does or says something pervy.   You’ll be wasted by the first commercial break.  Trust.

GOOD: Jay-Z is performing.

BAD: So is Beyoncé.

GOOD: The New Moon cast will be introducing an extended trailer of the film.  And yes, Kristen Stewart will probably look bored and put-upon for having to promote her movie (what, like that’s her job?!), but The Delicious will also be in attendance so I’ll be fighting the urge to lick my television screen.

BAD: No matter how squee-inducing the new trailer is, we still have to wait till November for that shizz.

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GOOD: I will be anxious to see what kind of tribute MTV is concocting for Michael Jackson.  Stay tuned.

BAD: Lady GaGa is performing.  Now, I don’t love or hate Lady GaGa.  But I do find her outfits annoyingly distracting and I can’t imagine she’ll be that good live.  Assuming she will be singing live, which, knowing MTV, is always a crapshoot.

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And so, I expect this year’s VMA’s to be a mixed bag.  But one thing I do know for certain: I won’t be seeing that hot mess live.

Cuz the 13th is the season finale of True Blood 😉

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dakota fanning gives me night terrors: new moon volturi pics!

28 08 2009

Check it out, Twitards!  (Don’t hate, I count myself amongst ya.)

Dakota Fanning is freaking rocking.my.socks as Jane!  I mean, she’s always been creepy (I still have terrifying “Creasy Bear” nightmares)—but day-um homegirl has taken it to a whole new level!

It’s the eyes, I think.  No one’s home.  And the Mary Janes, which has always been the preferred footwear of criminally insane children.   If she hadn’t become an actress, she would have made a great serial killer.

jane-new-moon-volturi-dakota-fanning

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Red eyes! Red gloves!  Oh my!

Click HERE for more Volturi goodness!





robert pattinson: drawn to kristen stewart’s angry mullet

13 08 2009

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I really don’t consider myself a whorish fan-girl…gawd, I’m lying so much right now I may actually burst into flames…but yeah, I’ve been reading the same articles AND seeing the same pics as you have.

You Stewart & Pattinson ‘shippers should be in deep squee at the moment–cuz they’re totally hooking up.

But should you believe everything you see and read on the innernets? Yes, my little tot. Yes you should.

Check don’t wreck it…





the post where i have to lay a little truth about KStew on some hard-core fans…

13 08 2009

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Sometimes, every so often, I feel the need to bend some of you tots over my knee and give ya a little spankaroo. Try to control your titillation. What I mean is, ever since I posted certain harmless theories about KStew putting the crock-pot on high (my current fave euphemism for smoking weed), I’ve received several comments that range from silly to straight-up denial:

She is under a lot of pressure from fans.

omg these people are stupid for trying to make kirsten and robert look bad i should kill them because there just jelous of them on how popular thwy are and how cute they make asa couple haha u losers.

how stupid are you people….thats not even kristen
god man, have some sense

(And my all-time personal favorite)

almost half the people in the untied states ethier smoke pot or sell it so get off her back sheis a great actor… and pot isnt that bad i mean really its not like its coke..

I heart you guys. Seriously. You make my flipping life. And in the words of dan-_yell_uh!!: pass that shit kristen… tee-hee





marketing fail

13 08 2009

My eyes are gushing, and I can’t stop LOLing! Ahh…Disney, I heart you in so many ways!

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king of pop haunts neverland?

17 07 2009

As if Neverland Ranch wasn’t creepy enough, check out this video:





harry’s hair makes me mad

16 07 2009

This…THIS…is just so unfortunate. Observe:

harry-potter1__oPt

And you say, “Yeah, it’s the poster for the new fantazamalistic Harry Potter flick.  So?”

“But look at the HAIR!” I screech, throwing my mimosa into the face of a scantily-clad cabana boy.

Because the Potter hair, my poolside loving tots, is more tragic than the death of Albus Dumbledore.  Seriously.  It looks like my Dad’s haircut circa 1983.  With every movie, it seems to get worse!

Listen up Warner Brothers, *sits up in her lounge chair and removes her sunglasses for emphasis*  I’m gonna let you in on a little secret:  sexy, careless hair sells.  Um, helllllooooo…

Robert-Pattinson-as-Cedric-Diggory Meh.

robert-pattinson Mwah 😉

Harry was actually IN a forest with a unicorn!  Why can’t he HAVE a unicorn forest?  On his head.